Self punishment??

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

Does it make me happier?

NO! definately NOT

So why do it?

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Why starve myself and obsess over every food item that is put in front me?

Why weigh myself and feel like a failure no matter what the number is?

Why isolate and push everyone around me away?

Why punish myself???

Because its what I feel I deserve.

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I hurt everyone close to me esp. my family.

I have this fuckin Disorder that I seem incapable of beating.

Annie (ed), has taken EVERYTHING away,

Family, Respect, School, Jobs, relationships and friend,

So why doI keep her around.

Maybe because I feel a comfort knowing that she will always be there if I need or want her to.

Shit she will be there Even if I DONT.

She will NOT abandon or turn her back on me.

But FUCK Deep Down I DO NOT want this!!!

I am NOT happy.

I hate Annie.

She Hurts me the most.

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I want to be happy again.

I want to be in Recovery.

I want to be able to go on outings and NOT have to worry about meals.

I want people to want to be around me again.

I want to make People happy

Most of all I WANT to make MYSELF happy!!!